Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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