Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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