Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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