R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
