I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
