Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
