Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
