You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Drunk is not a location!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
