census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
