even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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