His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
