The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
