toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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