peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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