Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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