im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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