Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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