She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
