I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
