I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
