I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
