It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
