I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's official drugs can't kill me
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
