Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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