I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
