The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
