btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Are we still banned from the library?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
