life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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