You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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