Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
