Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
