He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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