this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
