apparently the secret to your success is patron
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Randomize
