just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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