it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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