Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
