I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
that may or may not have been my penis.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
