i would punch a child for taco bell
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
