Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
