??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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