is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
