Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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