College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
