why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
