hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
