Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
