Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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