If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
