Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
