and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
