I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
