I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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