i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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