Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
