The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
