pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
