The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
