So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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