this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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