Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Too much gin, very little bucket
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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