So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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