There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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