So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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