need another drink. this is the easiest way
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
