I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
