There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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