she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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