I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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