The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
