It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Randomize