Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
