I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize