So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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